Rattling, dolphins! You had one job to do! TMZ experiences that Dick Van Dyke, one of many world’s final remaining INTERNATIONAL TREASURES, folded his lanky 97-year-old ass into his 2018 Lexus LS 500 and crashed right into a gate. Thank goodness that “he managed to keep away from critical harm” and no because of his pod of guardian dolphins who pushed him to shore in 2010 when he fell asleep whereas browsing and drifted off to sea. No! Don’t scream “ACKACKACKACKACK” at me, you rubbery little freaks, I do know he was on land, however in the event you save Dick Van Dyke as soon as, you’ve agreed to save lots of him for all times. I hope you all get changed into tuna fish for what you’ve accomplished.

Based on TMZ, the crash occurred in Malibu. Which is shut sufficient to the ocean that they ought to have been capable of get to him on time as he was careening in the direction of them within the rain.

Legislation enforcement sources inform TMZ … police responded to a name of a single-car accident final Wednesday morning, and when deputies arrived they discovered Dick behind the wheel of a 2018 Lexus LS 500 which he’d crashed right into a gate.

Our sources say the 97-year-old movie and TV legend informed cops his automobile slid and he misplaced management earlier than slamming into the gate. The streets had been moist from the nonstop rain L.A.’s been getting.

As for Dick’s accidents … we’re informed he was bleeding from the nostril and mouth and might need suffered a concussion. Paramedics handled him on the scene, and he had little interest in going to a hospital.

This isn’t Dick’s first time having hassle behind the wheel. In 2013, Dick needed to be pulled out of his burning Jaguar after CHP obtained experiences of a automobile on hearth on the 101 freeway in Calabasas. Based on The LA Times, Dick didn’t seem to even realize it was on hearth, I assume he was simply sitting in all of it “chim chim cher-ee-oo!” And once more, the place had been the dolphins? Even when they couldn’t make all of it the best way onto the freeway, they may have a minimum of splashed somewhat water his method. TMZ provides:

Our sources say medicine and alcohol had been NOT concerned … although cops have submitted paperwork to the DMV requesting a driving retest for Dick, with one of many components being his age.

We’re informed somebody picked him up, so he didn’t need to drive dwelling from the scene.

Dick is married, so perhaps it was his spouse, Arlene Silver, who’s 46 years his junior. Oh, cease your “ACKACKACKACK”ing… Oh wait, what’s that now? Uh huh? Uh huh? Uh huh? OK, nicely you do make an excellent level. Guys, the dolphins have simply knowledgeable me that in response to their code of hi-jinks and the excessive seas, “any man who shall wed whereas in our safety, shall forfeit stated protections and they’re transferred to the partner.” Dick and Arlene married in 2013, so the dolphins are absolved. So it’s ACKACKACKACKED, so it shall be.

Pic: Instagram

In case your preliminary shock was additionally that Jewel ever earned $100 million to have the ability for somebody to embezzle it, I get it. However upon additional ponderance, she and her trompe l’oeil titties have given us so much. A lot of the inhabitants has in all probability yodeled alongside along with her to “Who Will Save (SAY-hee-AYVE) Your Soul,” and what number of different razor commercial bangers are you able to bear in mind apart from “Instinct?” None, that’s what number of. However as a substitute of sometimes utilizing the lyrics to “Fingers” to joke about not with the ability to grip one thing girthy or resting her face towards the cool, foggy automotive window whereas moodily mouthing “Silly Video games” like the remainder of us, Jewel’s mother allegedly performed some silly video games along with her four-time Grammy-winning daughter’s pile of cash when she was her supervisor.

In response to Page Six, Jewel was on the Verywell Thoughts Podcast with Amy Morin on Monday and talked about her former monster momager Lenedra Carroll having sticky fingers the entire time she was managing her, solely to be stopped when Jewel realized she was a number of thousands and thousands of {dollars} in debt.

“I didn’t actually notice what my mother was till I used to be 30-something. I awoke and realized she embezzled all of my cash, over $100 million…”

“Thirty-four years previous, notice I’m $3 million in debt, notice my mother stole it, notice every thing I assumed my mother was, isn’t what she was, very tough psychological factor to come back to phrases with.”

And that wasn’t even her mother’s first deplorable offense. Jewel later discovered that her abusive dad had custody of her when she was younger as a result of her mother simply didn’t really feel like momming.

“My mother and pop received divorced after I was 8, and we went to stay with my dad,” she recalled.

“No person advised me it’s as a result of my mother didn’t wish to be a mother. She left us, and so my dad took over elevating us. I didn’t know that on the time.”

“My dad was this risky alcoholic that hit me, very straightforward to establish ‘dangerous man.’ My mother appeared like the alternative,” she defined.

“She was calm, she was gentle, she by no means yelled, clearly by no means hit me. And I didn’t notice I used to be being abused in one other method on the time.”

Jewel says Lenedra additionally performed thoughts video games along with her, so when she did must mother or father her, she wouldn’t must cope with the antics of a rambunctious little one.

“Let’s say after I would present up on her doorstep, she would say, ‘Your thoughts is so highly effective. Our minds are solely faucet, we use like 10% of our mind energy. Our minds are so highly effective and I feel you, Jewel, are so highly effective that I feel you can sit right here and stare at this mild bulb and also you may be capable of get it to show off along with your thoughts.’”

It wasn’t till later that she found, “What it really was was my mother didn’t wish to keep there and be with me, and he or she babysat me by having me watch mild bulbs. So generally the looks of an hooked up determine isn’t what it appears.”

Listed here are some snippets from Jewel’s interview:

Jewel’s well-known origin story of being found whereas living in her car was bleak sufficient, nevertheless it’s unlucky to listen to she additionally lived by way of being swindled by her personal evil, avaricious mom. Not each artiste will get a doting momager who’ll sit by way of a number of of their intercourse tapes so everybody can win; so subsequent time you belt out “you had been meant for pee, and I used to be meant for poo” (alright, that one’s in all probability simply me), consider the tormented girl behind the ballad!

Pic: YouTube

Please maintain some area in your coronary heart right now for Ben Affeck and Jennifer Lopez’ actual property brokers; it’s arduous out right here for a property pimp. TMZ studies that Ben and Jen have fallen out of escrow, for a 3rd time in a 12 months, on the $64 million Pacific Palisades mansion they determined to purchase simply couple of weeks in the past. Perhaps the current rains in southern California revealed cracks within the basis. Of the home! The home, folks! Ben and Jen are extra in love right now than they have been 13 days in the past once they signed the contracts. However for no matter motive, it’s again to scouring Criagslist or nonetheless they do it, as a result of their seek for a Excellent 10 continues.

Since Jen at all times appears to be looking out for brand new income streams, I might recommend linking up with Netflix to pitch a collection referred to as Edging Sundown. TMZ studies:

Sources with direct information inform TMZ that Bennifer has fallen out of escrow on the $64 million Pacific Palisades mansion they appeared to have their sights set on earlier this month — which was an absolute magnificence that may’ve definitely accommodated their wants.

It’s unclear why they’re bailing … however we’re listening to they’re completed with it, and are transferring on.

Now, when you’re holding depend — this really marks the third dwelling they’ve fallen out of escrow on prior to now 12 months. There was a $55 million Bel-Air property they have been set to purchase means again in April, however that sale fell via. They have been additionally set to purchase one other PP palace final month — which was price simply $34.5 mil — however they walked away from that property as properly.

Not losing any time, Jen was really pounding the pavement anew this previous weekend — cruising via Holmby Hills.

In keeping with The Nest, in California, “patrons have 17 days after signing the contract to name off a sale and get again the deposit,” so them saying “psyche” once more may not have value a factor. TMZ says the mansion they’re taking a look at now was the house of late designer Max Azria. It’s presently listed at $65 million, down from $75, which was down from the earlier itemizing worth of $85. In keeping with the home’s listing, it’s acquired six buildings on 2.8 acres totaling 30,000 sq ft with 17 bedrooms, 25 baths, and an “expansive motor courtroom for over 20 automobiles.” Jennifer’s love could not value a factor, however it’s so huge it wants its personal zip code.

In keeping with The Real Deal, they’ve been attempting to unload this property since 2015.

In 2005 Sheldon bought it to Max Azria, the founding father of vogue home BCBG, and his spouse Lubov Azria, a designer, for $14 million. In 2015, after spending $30 million on an overhaul, the couple listed the property for $85 million, the Wall Avenue Journal reported, then raised the ask to $88 million the next 12 months. The property has been on and off the market since then.

They are saying a sucker is born day-after-day, however most of them don’t have $65 to throw round. And Bennifer positive wasn’t born yesterday. Bennifer’s so outdated it may vote. Ben and Jen could also be fools for love, however I believe they’re not so silly that they’re feeding their furnace of fiery ardour with $100 payments. The Nest says one more reason an individual would possibly fall out of escrow is “a house not appraising at or above the promoting worth”  or “if the house falls out of escrow as a consequence of a contingency listed in your contract, you’ll obtain your deposit again.” I let you know what, if Jennifer shared their listing of contingencies ** sotto vocce** On The JLo, I’d smash that subscribe button so arduous I’d crack my very own basis. Worst case situation, they’ll at all times simply transfer to the seashore and roll round within the sand like within the good outdated days. They only have to hold their eyes peeled for snakes in tanks!

Pic: BauerGriffin/INSTARimages